How to begin to transform your fear.
The biggest thing holding us back from being our true selves and living our life the way we want to from moment to moment are anger, grief, shame and other strong emotions.
We often experience these emotions as stress, but have you ever stopped to think what’s really behind these emotions?
The last time you were angry with your colleague, partner or yourself, did you stop to think what was really behind your anger? When you last felt ashamed of yourself, did you spend some time with your shame to better understand what was causing your it?
In my experience, it’s fear. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of not being loved. Fear of death. Fear of being alone. Fear of ourselves. I could go on.
Fear is the result of something unresolved in the subconscious mind that we may be avoiding or denying. Sometimes we create an identity or behaviour patterns around this so that we don’t have to deal with it. At the time it can be a defence mechanism that allows us to function, but over the long term it can lead to dissatisfaction with our life situation, anxiety, depression, long-term stress and not living our life purpose.
Steven’s journey from fear to self acceptance and hope.
Steve began working with us because he needed to resolve his high levels of stress and anxiety that he’d been experiencing for over 20 years. He’d also been experiencing high blood pressure.
He had vivid memories of the terror of living through bombing raids in the war. He remembered that his parents were often arguing. He remembered being beaten by his father for not being like he thought he should be. He always had to be ‘perfect’ in order to get his parents attention and love.
This caused him to create a fear -driven personality as a defence mechanism that denied his own wants and needs and put those of what he thought his parents wanted first in order to be accepted and loved.
This had caused what I call the ‘trauma processing system’ of his psyche to become jammed up, and unable to process and deal with that, and subsequent challenging life situations.
During his healing process, he came to understand how and why he had created his fear driven personality. He began the journey of recognising and accepting it. And he became the person that he needed to do that with love and understanding.
This enabled his real self to begin to come through, and for Steven to become familiar with who he really was. A man that was able to say ‘no’. A man that could experience love, laughter and joy. A man that had been hidden for all those years.
This allowed him to come out of fear, anxiety and stress, get his blood pressure back to normal, and begin to create his life around what he actually wanted and not what he thought others wanted of him.
A simple method you can use right now to begin to free yourself from fear.
The beginning of any important journey needs some planning and an intention to persevere.Jacob Reimann
Find a quiet place for half an hour or so.
- Close your eyes.
- Cross your arms and place your palms on your chest. Cross your legs at your ankles.
- Place your attention on your breath as you breathe slowly into your stomach. Do this throughout the process.
- Accept the emotions and feelings you are experiencing for what they are, just emotions and feelings. You don’t need to do anything but just breathe, observe and accept them. Their intensity will dissipate. It may take some time (minutes).
- Don’t run away from them. It hasn’t worked until now so it probably won’t work in this case :-).
- Focus your attention on one of these emotions and become familiar with it.
- Where on your body do you feel this emotion? When did you first experience it? What was going on at the time for you? What else triggers this feeling? What would your life be like without this feeling?
- When you are finished, slowly come back to the present moment and take a few moments before you return to your life.
- Practice this as often as you need to. It will get easier and more effective over time.
Would you like to talk?
Schedule a complementary discovery call to explore how to begin a process of inner discovery and transformation to transform your fear and begin to live your life purpose.